The Rapture: Who’s, Who

After The Rapture: Meet The Sweethearts of The Tribulation

Tommorow I might end up missing Doctor Who as I will have to deal with the end of the world. Some far out extreme christians belive tomorrow (21st) everything will crumble. Calling the Rapture “the end of the world” isn’t entirely accurate. Only a select few will leave the planet on Saturday, but the rest of us have anywhere between five months and seven years of Hell on Earth to endure before Judgement Day. Better get to know your new masters.

The Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse

White, Red, Black, and Pale, while also standing for Victory, War, Famine, and Death. They’re kind of like the Power Rangers of damnation.

7 Angels With 7 Trumpets

These seven angels each hold a trumpet that when blown will trigger a unique form of devastation on our wicked planet.

First trumpet: Hail and fire mingled with blood rain down on the earth. One third of the Earth, one-third all the trees, and all of the grass will be burned up.

Second Trumpet: Something like a great burning mountain falls into the sea. One third of the sea turns into blood. One third of all living creatures in the sea died. One third of all battleships destroyed.

Third Trumpet: A meteor named Wormwood crashes into the sea and contaminates all of the water.

Fourth Trumpet: One third of the day becomes night. So basically, it becomes winter.

Fifth Trumpet: DEMON LOCUSTS!

Sixth Trumpet: DEMON INVASION COMMENCES! This is truly the beginning of the end.

The Mighty Angel

This guy’s job is to take possession of the Earth and make sure the sinners are still suffering. He only plays a minor role in the interlude between the 6th and 7th trumpets; just after the demon locusts and just before the rest of the demons! He manages to do this whilst looking more camp than the new Thor movie.

The 2nd Coming Of Jesus

Shooting a laser out of his mouth! A white-haired Jesus finally shows up to the party.

He kills all the baddies then establishes a kingdom of heaven on earth for 1000 years.

Good times.


About lammpost911

A Man who has nothing better to do that join all the social networking sites and talk shit.
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