How to go do the Cinema!

Some people out there just can’t go to the pictures properly, and they make me freaking mad. Look at these people they are in a cinema and they are happy that is because they all stuck to the code of conduct.

1. No Eating. – Dont you dare eat anything loader that a bread roll in there (popcorn is the exception due to nostalgia). No one wants to hear your food being masticated to death. Dont Rustle, this means don’t buy the sweets that come in 23 different layers of wrapping. Dont slurp, you have already got though a 3 litre bucket of pop dont slurp up the ice too, you’re not 5. And in no way can you eat NACHO’s as they are of the devil!

2. No Talking – This one is simple, but still people do it, the minute the black BBFC title card comes up you stop yapping! No one has paid there £8 to hear your director’s commentary of the film, so just sit down and shut up!

3. No Phone’s – Dont think you can get anyway with putting it on “Airplane Mode”, it’s a cinema not a PLANE! and don’t think just because you’re not jabbering on it you can get away with having it on as you are causing light pollution you fiend.

4. Keep your shoes on! – You are not in your living room, keep them on and keep them off the back of my seat! I don’t want your odour near my head!

5. No kids – Okay take your kids to see Kung Fu Panda, fine, but if I see another 3-year-old in the 12a rated Harry Potter 7b I will kill you, the cinema is not a babysitter. You will be in extra trouble if your little shit knocks over a drink and giggles it head of when im supposed to be crying at the sad bit’s.

6. No Drunks – It’s not cool and it’s not funny, its rude and stupid and I hate it. When you go to see a Mid-day screening of kids film Son of Rambow, you shouldnt have to deal with two drunk dicks on their phone and then have them throwing up in your hoodie (tru story dat)!

So take that public and if I see anyone doing any of these things I will get you, and I will rip your spleen out through your tought.

On a lighter note, my local Odeon (Bournemouth) is showing two amazing films every night this week, these films are true  modern classic’s (well maybe not The Hangover, but im sure someone could argue its case).

Dont miss out on the chance to see these movie greats on the big screen.

For Emilié, who asked me to do this again, cheers for getting them back on track. x


About lammpost911

A Man who has nothing better to do that join all the social networking sites and talk shit.
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