APOCALYPSE-A-LONG LIVE! (No longer live)

title

  • 8:23 am – So here I am with ten minutes to go before I press play on the end of the world, I know no one is reading this, but screw it! I got up super early to do this for you so you better enjoy it! See you in ten.
  • 8:33 am – So I Just hit play and boy is it exciting! (its just pages of legal text telling me to not copy the disc. Does live blogging count as a public broadcast?)
  • 8:36 am – Its Jimi Mistry, I don’t know why I felt the need to point that out, imagine what  fun shit I will say when John Cusack turns up!
  • 8:39 am – Wow! This film has it all, Jimi Mistry, and big hole in the floor and awkward humor shoved into a action film!
  • 8:40 am – Crickets! CRICKETS! People still use crickets in films when things get silent!
  • 8:41 am – DANNY GLOVER! DANNY GLOVER IS THE PRESIDENT! Fuck Jimi Mistry, screw John Cusack! This film has Danny Glover!
  • 8:44 am – I look away for 3 Minutes and when I come back its turned in the Da Vinci Code.
  • 8:46 am – If anyone is genuinely concerned about the end of the world, then watch this guy, if not still watch it cause the PBS ideas channel is a really interesting You Tube channel that needs some attention 
  • 8:49 am – The foreshadowing in this film is mental! Every other line is, “its not the end of the world” this and “Hurtling” that.
  • 8:51 am – Is that the voice of Woody Harrelson on the radio? I wandering if he was promoting rampart.
  • 8:54 am – Is now really the time to talk about getting pussy!
  • 9:04 am – That animation was some of the best plot exposition I have ever seen 
  • 9:09 am – OH! “THERE IS SOMETHING PULLING US APART” And then the floor opens up and pulls them a part! Now that is writing for you!
  • 9:12 am – Okay so now we are watching a boxing match! Would this movie care to just focus for one god dam minute!
  • 9:14 am – If I was tweeting this and had to come up with a hash tag. I would be so on it with #Bollockalypse
  • 9:17 am – I’m really hopeful that the fact that he has hired a FUCKING PLANE means that shit is about to go down big time!
  • 9:18 am – SHIT JUST GOT DOWN!
  • 9:20 am – Well I’m glad we get the first death and a poo joke within seconds of each other! I mean about 3!
  • 9:21 am – How in hell is that limo still going!
  • 9:23 am – Okay for all the shit I have been giving this film, this bit is so fuckign stpuid its amazing! So much sot thst I am finging it hard to typoe while watching the telly.
  • 9:25 am – I should have taken a piss before the movie started, because now I face the dilemma, of missing the movie and risk skipping an action scene, or I pause it and hope that the world can delay its ending but about 2 minutes.
  • 9:34 am – These cars/vans/planes are really good, they seem to be able to outrun almost any form of natural disaster!
  • 9:38 am – While things calm down I and try to think of funny ways to hate on this film, watch this other You Tube video 
  • 9:40 am – So this version of the end of the world is set during the summer! NOT ON THE REAL END OF THE WORLD, NOT TODAY! MAKING THIS WHOLE FUCKING THING POINTLESS! Cheers Olympic game reference.

  • 9:43 am – Well I think that discovery means toilet time! I wont pause so you can still be in sync, see you in 5.
  • 9:46 am – What did I miss? Oh! I’m alone. So alone.
  • 9:52 am – How long do I give the Russian ball bags? A about 10 minutes of screen time before they are goners.
  • 9:53 am – How long before all the expensive cars in the back of the plane are turned into a action sequence, maybe involving the cars dropping from the plane? I give it 10 Minutes.
  • 10:03 am – This truly is some of the most amazing bollocks I have ever seen.
  • 10:13 am – Wow both the Russians and the car survived at least 20 minutes.
  • 10:14 am – Scrap that!
  • 10:16 am – A dead Russian and a shit tonne of car crashes later, we can now get on with the rest of the film.
  • 10:25 am – Good bye Jimi Mistry, goodbye.
  • 10:31 am – Well of course the Russian dick bag was gonna fuck it up, fuck it all up and ruin it for everyone.
  • 10:33 am – Oh fuck off! She will put her life a risk for a fucking dog! She might as well die anyway.
  • 10:40 am – This monk has got the right idea. Just sit it out and enjoy the view.
  • 10:45 am – That fucking dog! Why wont it just die!
  • 10:47 am – This is the worst plan ever! we could build a massive boat, put it right next to mount Everest so it could crash into it and on top of a waterfall, so it can fall down it! There are loads and loads of open expansive areas of water why not put it there!
  • 10:52 am – If this does not play over the end credits ….  I can see it now, the world is flooded, everyone is dead and then the screen goes blank and that drum kicks in!
  • 10:54 am – Can ships even reverse? And if they can I’m not even sure if one that big can do it that quickly!
  • 10:57 am – SO THE WORLD DIDN’T END! I mean allot of people died and most of the world got flooded, but a shit tonne of people survived.
  • 11:00 am – In 11 minutes  this film will be a comedy.
  • 11:02 am – So that was the end of the world, now the credits! If only the real end of the world had credits, as its all burning and falling apart we have scrolling text of everyone projected into the sky.
  • 11:03 am – This credit song is fucking awful! If this was the last song I heard, music would die before I did! 
  • 11:10 am – Say goodbye to your loved ones, this has been planet earth! Good luck one and all!
  • 11:11 am – Oh! we are still here, that’s good. PUB?
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About lammpost911

A Man who has nothing better to do that join all the social networking sites and talk shit.
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